MARRIAGE(PART I)
>A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the
>wedding, laid down the following rules:
>“I’ll be home when I want, if I want , and at what time I want, and I
>don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect dinner to be on the table
>unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card
>playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard
>time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
>
>His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that
>there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night, whether you’re here
>or not.”
>
>MARRIAGE (PART II)
>A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
>anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I’m getting you a
>headstone that reads, “Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.’”
>
>“Yeah?!” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that
>read, ‘Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.’”
>
>MARRIAGE (PART III)
>A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. The
>husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,”
>and storms out of the house.
>
>After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to makes amends and
>rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated
>husband says, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”
>
>She says, “I was in bed.”
>
>“What are you doing in bed at this hour?”
>
>“Getting a second opinion!”
>
>MARRIAGE (PART IV)
>A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
>proud, that he starts calling his wife, “Mother of Six” in spite of her
>objections.
>
>One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home
>and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts
>at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home Mother of Six?”
>
>His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouts right
>back, “Anytime you are, Father of Four!”
>
>MARRIAGE (PART V)
>A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double
>martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his
>shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double
>martini. After he finishes that one, he peeks inside his shirt pocket
>and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
>
>The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night
>long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before
>you order a refill.”
>
>The man replies, “I’m peeking at at photo of my wife. When she starts to
>look good, then I know it’s time to go home.”
>
>MARRIAGE (PART VI)
>A 75-year old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told
>her she needed more cardiovascular activity, and recommended that she
>engage in sexual activity three times a week. A bit embarassed, she said
>to the doctor, “Please tell my husband.”
>
>The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his
>wife needed sex three times a week.
>
>The 80-year old husband replied, “Which days?”
>
>The doctor answered, “Monday, Wenesday, and Friday would be ideal.”
>
>The husband said, “I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday, but on
>Fridays, she’ll have to take the bus.”
>
>MARRIAGE (PART VII)
>A man and woman are standing at the altar, about to be married, when the
>bride-to-be looks at her prospective groom and sees that he has a set of
>golf clubs with him.
>
>“What on earth are you doing with those golf clubs in church?” she
>whispers.
>
>“Well,” he says, “this isn’t going to take all afternoon, is it?”
>
>