An old girlfriend sent me this today…reminded me alot of myself and made me chuckle…I hope you all find the humor in this. This is a joke and not meant to offend anyone just to see the humor in some of our lives.
Subj: Answering Machine at the Psychiatric
Hotline!
"Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric
Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1…
repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to
press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,
4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and
what you want. Stay on the line so we can
trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call
will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully, and
a small voice will tell you which number to
press.
If you are manic, it doesn’t matter which
number you press. No one will
answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget
with the pound key until a representative
comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your
name, address, telephone
number, date of birth, social security number,
your mother’s maiden name, and all your
residences for the past 25 years, including ZIP
codes.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder,
s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a
message after the beep or before the beep or
after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If
you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If
you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
All operators are too busy and unconcerned to
talk to you."
